Born to be Touched
Tara Livingston
Sexual Surrogate

We are born with an intense skin hunger. Babies have a huge need for touch and if not available can interfere with their emotional development. As adults we have a strong need to hold hands, be held in someone's arms, to hug, receive a nonsexual massage, have our face or arms stroked, be cuddled, caressed, etc.

Somewhere between babyhood and adulthood we develop touch barriers which can be harmful to our well-being. Touch is a God given need that we never outgrow. Touch can be richly enjoyed for its own sake, and not just as a prelude to sex.

Surveys have shown that overwhelmingly most people do not touch as much as they would like, especially with the opposite sex, even when no other sexual activity is desired. We often cover up our need for intimacy by activities, sports, TV, work, church, or by using food, drugs, alcohol, or sex for only selfish physical pleasure.

Touch as Communication of Love

Touch is the most powerful way to communicate empathy, friendship, approval, affirmation and love to another. Our inner spirits can nurture and share with each other most powerfully through caring touch.

Touch as Physically Beneficial

Touch messages are transmitted to our brain through a network of over 100 billion neurons. Once the brain receives the touch message, it has powerful effects, stimulating the production of chemicals that provide physical good feelings, as well as good emotions by combining with certain hormones and enzymes in the blood.

Research at the University of Miami Touch Therapy Institute found that the person who gives touch via massage also feels better. Stress levels go down and visits to doctors went down.

Breaking Your Touch Barriers

With friends or even strangers in a trusted situation, practice breaking the touch barrier and together discover that healthy, wholesome touching can put you more in touch with humanity and yourself.

If you want more touch in your life, you must risk reaching out to touch. Sometimes you will be rejected, but the joy from the times when you can find another sincere toucher far outweigh the times of rejection. Be sensitive to the fact that some types of touch are more appropriate than others for new relationships or strangers. A touch to the arm can be a non threatening way to get a feel of the others comfort level.

Hugs - Example of Wholesome Touch

Hugs are easy, portable, saves heat, provides stretching exercise if you are short, requires no special equipment, does not upset the environment, yet makes happy days happier, makes impossible days possible, a cure for depression and loneliness and eases tension. All that is required is two participating humans.

Cuddling – The Best (women know this, men learn!)

Cuddling, nude or dressed, with tender stroking of face, hands, whole body is my favorite form of sincere, loving intimacy. It does not have to be just a prelude to sex. It can lead to beautiful full body sexuality only if mutually desired with proper precautions for health and the emotional wellbeing of both people. I also refer to it as Caress Therapy that every fully alive human needs!

Sensuality, Sexuality and Lust

Touch is a form of sensuality, the wholesome enjoyment of the body senses God gave us for our emotional and physical well being and pleasure.

Sexuality is a divine gift of even greater pleasure through sex. Sex should be pleasure sharing at its best but also with concerns for health issues, protection from unwanted children etc. Many sexual techniques can be learned which, especially for women, are often more physically pleasurable than just intercourse.

Lust is the selfish gratification of a person's sex drive for their own physical pleasure. Lust is very different from mutual pleasure sharing in sexuality or non sexual sensuality through touch.

Love Can Be Sincerely Shared For The Moment

Love does not have to mean a long term commitment but rather sincere love for the uniquely wonderful human spirit you can share with at this moment in time. Love is like peanut butter ... it needs to be spread around in a sincere caring way. More people in the world are starving for love and affection than for food.

We without hesitation hold a baby, stroke a cat, but often avoid touching another person. Love needs physical expression, yet we fear it so we sit in loneliness and physical isolation, too uptight to share in the beauty of physical communication.

How to Get In Touch

Sensate focusing techniques can also be pleasurable without having to take off clothing yet can explore pleasurable touch.

Watsu Water Shiatsu Massage. Cradled and rocked in warm hot springs water relaxed by shiatsu massage and supported by water and another person. Can be also enjoyed using Tantsu massage on land.

More To Sex Than Just Sex

Sexual fulfillment is much more than sticking a penis in a vagina and wiggling or pumping. Women know that this is often not the most satisfying sex. The goal of sex should be maximum pleasure sharing both physically as well as the beautiful feeling of loving and caring for the inner spirit of each other.